I hate cell phones Let me say it outright: you chronic cell phone users, I'm completely sick of you. I'm tired of having to listen to your stupid conversations like I walk down the street or I sit in the park or wherever people sit peacefully. I'm sick of having to distrust you while car chatting too close to me, especially you vapid girls and young women with your attention away from moving several tons of metal down a road. I'm tired of having to maneuver my cart around you while talking to someone on the other end about the damn freshness of melon or whether to buy Cheerios or Wheaties. I'm tired of hearing your one-sided chatter while trying to enjoy a meal at a restaurant. Hey, I don't want to hear about your romantic problems, your work problems, your vasectomies, or your yeast infections. I'm tired of the various "ringing" sounds of your phones, all those sounds designed specifically for you. Lately I prefer the whine of the dentist's drill while I wait for my name to be called. Those of you who don't turn off your cell phone while watching a movie and then actually answer the call, if you're not a surgeon waiting to do a kidney transplant, I think you should be taken out on the street and beaten by six amphetamine-filled motorcyclists. Those of you who go to class try hard to remember to turn off your cell phones because one day your professor will be unable to control himself and will take your chirping little device and smash it to pieces, then throw sixty dollars at you in three 20s. Those of you who call me on cell phones, leave me alone Frank and say I don't like him. Unless it's an extreme emergency or you're in a quiet place where other people can't hear you, because it bothers me that those people can be like me and not appreciate having to participate in a conversation which has nothing to do with them —please wait until you reach a "landline" to call me. And those of you who call me from your cell phone, if possible, make sure the batteries are fresh or the reception is perfect or, if not, that you are only calling to tell me something simple and short, why try to have a normal conversation while Your voice coming and going bothers me a lot.