Knowing Yourself This semester I had the privilege of experiencing unrestricted creativity in a structured writing course. Now, as I reflect on the semester, I realize how closed-minded I am. This semester, as a student writer, I have been challenged to draw on something or find inspiration from within to constructively create a masterpiece with words. Often, finding or even just tapping into my creative nerve has been very difficult. Then I realized that, as a student writer, I am paralyzed by a concept called decision-making. In a course on Public Administration Leadership I actually learned something about myself. What I had learned really took me back to all the other structured writing courses I've taken over the years. There is a psychological test called Big-5 Personally Traits that measures an individual's ability to engage in effective leadership. After taking several Big-5 Personality Tests, I realized that I lean towards the closed-minded leadership style. Then I had a self-realization about myself when it comes to my writing. I realized that I struggle with writing because I'm a decision maker and not a problem solver. Throughout my academic career I was taught the decision-making style of writing and not the problem-solving style. Now I understand why I can't paint a detailed masterpiece of vivid and colorful artwork in the minds of others. Or why I fail to dazzle, inspire and move with my words. Essentially, I have a weak inner voice and am under the influence of simply putting words on paper in a way that I hope makes sense. In the journey of life, one of the greatest tests I have to endure are external influences that cause me to become decision makers and not problem solvers. Basically, I box myself in... middle of paper... Dr. Arnold slowly fell under the influence to leave his job at the MD Anderson Cancer Center due to a feeling of hopelessness. Dr. Arnold felt hopeless because she knew there was nothing she could do to prevent her student's death. However, he developed a sense of courage by taking responsibility for what he knew. “The children I write with die, no matter how much I love them, no matter how creative they are, no matter how many poems they have written or how much they want to live” (p.29). By taking ownership of what I know, my writing will fail. No matter how much time I invest, no matter how provocative I am, no matter how much ear tickling or stories I want to tell, my writing will fail. However, I know that in failure there is success because I have the courage to move forward and not fall victim to those external influences over which I have no control..