Oh to be loved! How I long for that experience: to be needed and desired, to be chased and to know without a doubt that I possess someone's deepest affections. I long to be folded in their arms and know that I am safe. Embarking on a grand adventure with a companion who will never disappoint me would be absolutely wonderful. The things we would like to conquer! The heights we would reach! The depths we would explore and the love that would be ours forever. No, I cannot afford to indulge in such foolish fantasies. Because this is who I really am, at least that's what I have to tell myself. For someone in my position, I can't even dare to hope for such a reality. Yet, no matter how much I try to push it away, no matter how much I try to bury it under layers of numbness, it always comes back. It makes its way into my heart and sinks its ruthless roots deep within me. Sometimes I can cover the pain at least for a while. I let my mind slide into oblivion while another uses me for their own sick pleasure. Then it is reduced to a dull pain, just a distant throb, laborious and distressing, yet to a certain extent livable. Looking back on days gone by, I remember the ignorance into which I was born. If only I could go back to those days and leave myself blind for a few more moments. I still felt the pain then, yes, but I had a kind of hope. I thought I could free myself from its grip, I thought I could climb out of the abyss of desire I had inherited. Thus my search began. I started giving myself to others to see if they could fill my void. My heart came first and my body followed. For a while I felt I had the answer. Finally the solution was at hand! However, as I would later discover, I could never reach him. I could never... middle of paper... as if in that look he saw everything who I was, everything I had done. Yet he wasn't as disgusted or disgusted as I would have expected. Instead, he took my trembling body into his arms and spoke to me tenderly. His words touched my soul as if it were created to hear them. His voice penetrated the deep layers of my heart, cutting through the callousness and uprooting the seeds of wickedness that had for so long made their home there. He told me that from then on he would take me as his fiancée, dress me in robes of glory, satisfy my hungry soul and above all he would love me. If a thousand pens had undertaken a description of the joy I felt at that moment it would have produced but a shadow of the original. So I won't even try. I must be content to simply say that his love was life to me, and his love lasts forever.